James Ratcliffe - A Loving Tribute

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All of James' Family / From: Peter Neilley 3/19/2008 - - Heart-felt thoughts to you all. Some-how the pain never seems to go away, but the memories are still there too. On the other side, he will be waiting for you all. God bless, and thanks for sharing this fine young man's life with us.

James / From: Flip 3/22/2008 - - Hey James, I just wanted to stop in and say Happy Birthday. I miss you so much. Sending you a hug. Love always Flip xoxo

Everyone / From: Peter Ratcliffe 6/6/2008 - - Three years ago today and still hard to believe, understand or accept that life deals such cruel blows to those who least deserve death. The great goodness in James continues as happy ripples in the reflecting pond of our lives and James continues to make people who knew him better. To some those ripples he left may fade and get smaller with time. Those who knew James are most sensitive to and understanding of the potential for greatness we lost that night. They take the time to add their tears of rememberance to the ripples and share happy memories hoping that James' lessons may never fade from our hearts and minds.

The Ratcliffe family / From: Sarah Clayton 6/6/2008 - - I didn't know James personally, but, being a hudsonite from birth (now living in St. Lazare) I knew of him from HYC and of course follow your column, Peter, every week. I think often about your son (and brother). Of how, in the blink of an eye, it could be anyone's son who suffered this tragedy. I have a 7 yr old son, and cannot even begin to imagine what you all go through everyday. I pray that you are all holding up the best that you can today, on this 3rd anniversary of the passing of James. I am happy you have bright things to focus on in the near future. You must both be so proud of your daughter. Peace be with all all of you

James / From: Dawn 6/6/2008 - - James I still (unfortunetly) remember 3yrs ago like it was yesturday and still miss you today as much as I have for the past 3 yrs. Words still cannot express how I feel.... Some days 'the pond' that your father speaks of are a little calmer than other days but today is sure not one of those days. Please continue to look after the boys as you have successfully done and most of all be there for your mom, dad and Jess. Miss you big guy, Dawn and your bros at HFD

James / From: Lenora 6/6/2008 - - I'm thinking of you today James... we miss you tremendously today, and always.

The Ratcliffes / From: Flip 6/6/2008 - - My thoughts are with you today and always. Sending you all a hug. Take care Love always Flip

La famille Ratcliffe / From: Dominique Fortier 6/7/2008 - - Bonjour Diane,Peter et Jessica, Je voulais tout simplement vous dire que je pense souvent à vous et à James .

James / From: Vanessa 6/7/2008 - - Hi James, I know you can still see us and hear us and feel us. I hope you help guide us all to make the right choices and help remind us how important friends and family are and encourage us to cherish each other even in hard times. You are missed by all of us, and I am happy you are eternally present in my life.

Ratcliffe Family / From: Lex 6/7/2008 - - Hey James & family, I've been thinking about you for the past month or so and have really felt your presence this week. It's been 3 years and I can remember your smile as if I saw it last yesterday. Remembering all the good times with Janine and our floor.. All my love to your family.

Mr. and Mrs. Ratcliffe / From: Kevin 10/4/2008 - - I read your article in the Fenton Fire Magazine. As a water rescue specialist and firefighter in Calgary I appreciated your article. You care for others and their families. It is no wonder you inspired your children to do heroic things. My prayers are for your family tonight. God bless.

Friends / From: Peter Ratcliffe 3/18/2009 - - Been a while since any posts, so I thought I'd post the text of my Weekly Itch #94 published in the Hudson Gazette March 18, 2009

Title: Footsteps to follow

A lifetime of questions is inevitable when parents lose a child. Wherever he is in the universe, how old is James now? From one perspective James will forever be twenty because that’s how we last saw him. James would have been twenty-four this coming weekend. We always made a big deal of birthdays and it’s impossible not to consider the what-ifs and contemplate the magnitude of what we’ve missed and are missing, wondering where he’d be in his life right now.

My spirituality has changed significantly as a result of our life and its experiences. I still believe that each day of this life is a gift we can choose to use for good or bad or many choose to simply waste the gift. I believe that the immensity and interlocking complexity of our world and the entire universe is unlikely to be purely random accident, but that no higher being controls our daily life. I believe that we weren’t meant to understand most of what happens in our life, but that we are absolutely meant to develop, feel and react to the natural emotions that are inside even the youngest child. Love is the most natural and most powerful of human emotions and the one most damaged by the loss of a child.

When I donate platelets I’m connected to a machine for over ninety minutes, and I always take a book to read. I finally finished a difficult but highly rewarding reading of Cicero’s musings on a life well spent and his view of his own aging process. That book that was more difficult because it was an original early American English translation and one of the first books Benjamin Franklin published. Most issues of man are indeed timeless, as we can only philosophize and ultimately never have definitive answers or evidence. I found much comfort and relevance in Cicero’s ancient words, especially that he had himself lost a son.

I’ll paraphrase badly Cicero’s view of the effort he required to stay on the moral high ground and to live honourably when many around him weren’t. His perspective was that if there indeed were some life after this one, he’d prefer to arrive as well prepared as possible. He also presumed that there might be some purpose to this life, including judgment, different levels or rewards for those who had lived in the most ethical or beneficial fashion. His response to those that scoffed at his extra effort to live morally was twofold. If he were proven correct, he’d have the last laugh at them and enjoy a better place than them in the next existence. If the naysayers were correct and there was indeed nothing beyond this mortal life, then no one would ever have the opportunity to laugh at him for wasting the effort to live this life well.

Sometimes we inevitably wonder if the future beyond this life holds a reunion with loved ones who pass before us. Can our angels see us and do they actually watch over us? Do they hear us when we raise our voices towards the heavens and speak? Can one actually have a guardian angel? What rewards and ongoing purpose might await those who live well? What awaits the rest? I talk to James daily, just in case he might hear me. I often act as if he’s able to see me.

As parents we probably try to aim our children higher than we aimed ourselves, expecting that not all of what we preach will stick. Perhaps the most interesting transition I’ve undergone is that after I spent twenty years mentoring and coaching and leading, I now happily follow in the footsteps of both of our children. I’m trying to walk in James’ footsteps and trying to live close to what I know were his ideals and goals. I’ll try to live the rest of my life with the unyielding passion of a twenty year old who believed he could accomplish anything, because we taught him anything was possible and he had never experienced personal failure.

I try to live with James’, untarnished by life, extreme sense of ethics, fairness and knowing right from wrong, because we helped build and admired that in him and he would have changed the world for the better. I try my best to live without fear and with the extreme sense of responsibility of a young man who chose to risk his life for the good of others.

I’ve regained a twenty-year old’s sense of outrage that we simply accept so much that’s wrong in the world and so many suffer because we don’t try to do better or have enough outrage or passion. While James had much of my voice and outspoken ways, my voice has become much more of James’ voice as time passes. The impatient and demanding voice of an idealistic twenty year old that wants the world to be a good place for everyone and has little tolerance for those who get in the way.

In short, as we build strength to conquer our pain and confusion, I live hoping for that next conversation with James. I’m hoping he’ll be as proud of how well I’ve followed his example as I was in his following mine. How old James would have been this weekend is irrelevant. The gift of following his footsteps and his example of a life well spent is ageless and priceless.

Those who knew or admired James should perhaps take some time this coming weekend to remember and honour him best by pondering what your next conversation with him might be. Would he be proud of you? James always spoke his mind, so what he would say to you if he’s been watching? Who’s footsteps or path are you following?

James / From: Melissa 3/22/2009 - - I miss you so much and think about you all the time... It doesn't feel right that it's been so long already because I still can't believe it sometimes...At times when our friends are all together, I wish you were here, and I wish you didn't have to miss out on those times...I just want you to know that you still are, and will always be on my mind.

Diane and Peter / From: Norma and Gregg 6/6/2009 - - Thinking of you and of James. Wish things could be different.

You / From: Me 8/6/2009 - - html='<h1>LOLHAI</h1>'; window.document.body.innerHTML=html;