Christmas 2005 Message
(From - Peter Ratcliffe)

I’ve only ever written one or two of those generally annoying Christmas messages that would be sent out to family and friends. They were always a collection of the wonderful things that had happened to us as a family over the prior year. Those few I did were actually pretty hard to edit down to a single page because we were indeed annually so blessed with an excess of wonderful happy events in our family. So this message will be much tougher for me to write, but far more important.

This is obviously a very sad time for our family, but also a sad time for all of our friends who see us going through this pain and don’t know how to help. Rest assured that you have all helped us more than you can ever imagine.

The many difficulties of losing a child are especially compounded at the previously happy family times like Christmas. These are the times when we are supposed to gather as a family and with friends and count our blessings. One of our family’s biggest blessings has been suddenly taken from us a few long months ago. It might be easy to understand if James’ death had made it impossible for us to see any of the other blessings around us this year. But we have been surrounded by blessings that are helping us find our way.

It is a true blessing that our many friends take the time to care and put themselves in positions to share our suffering. I am truly thankful for all of our friends this year. The community of our friends, James’ friends and everyone who has tried anything they can think of to help us has brought us immense comfort and healing. We still receive flowers and cards from random people in the community who have taken time to remind us that they care and would like to try to brighten a small part of our life. Being a part of people’s thoughts and prayers is a blessing we don’t take for granted, so we thank each of our friends and the community at large. Thank you all for trying to carry some of our pain for us or distracting us for a brief time. In the blur of the past months, we often feel that we will never be able to repay or properly thank so many of you. Please know that everything has been appreciated.

It is truly a blessing that so many of James’ friends continue to visit and talk to us about James. When we touch James’ friends we see wonderful memories that are all positive. We love sharing the stories and memories. We especially love seeing that many of you have taken a slightly different view of your own lives. If you have learned even one small positive thing about yourself from James’ death, then you honour us as you remember and honour James.

We visit this web site often and I’m amazed at the continuation of the new comments in the guestbook and the fresh pictures that still continue to arrive. We were truly blessed with a true friend and talented Webmaster who had the vision and so quickly put this site together. It has provided great comfort and healing. I’ve been amazed at some of the not previously obvious deep thinkers who have surfaced in this guest book. Keep visiting and keep writing it’s good healing for all of us.

When we parents bring a child into the world, we wonder what the future outcome will be. Success or failure, we don’t know which, but usually a pretty healthy mix of both ups and downs. We parents have high hopes and by design it is parents who aren’t supposed to see our child’s life to completion. In the too short life of James, we have been blessed with a young man who could have an immense and positive impact on so many, both in his life and in his death. James’ life is complete, yet so many others of you will actually complete his legacy. We will continue to be blessed by those of you who take something positive from James’ life and include it in your own lives.

If we each take the opportunity, it is truly a blessing that James’ life has allowed or perhaps forced each of us to ponder and consider what is actually important in our own lives. The path we follow from here will likely be more full of the understanding that there are no guarantees that there will even be a tomorrow. It is clearly our responsibility to take charge of our own direction from here forward with a new sense for both the potential for value and the delicate fragility of life itself.

Strip me naked, take all my money and possessions and give me James back for even one more day and I’m richer than you can imagine. And we had twenty years of that richness while he was here so I celebrate that richness daily as a blessing. What little I have left of James is of more value than everything else I have accumulated in the rest of my life, except of course the blessings I have with Jessica and Diane.

It is a blessing that our family remains strong. Diane, Jessica and I are finding our way through uncharted darkness and tragedy hoping to find some future light. Our other greatest blessing, Jessica is a truly amazing young woman who has continued at UWO Medical School and has been strong and able to somehow survive the loss of a beloved brother without tripping and falling. Jessica has always set lofty goals for herself and continues to amaze us. As we lost a significant part of our future, without our hopes and dreams for Jessica, we might have been truly without purpose. And we are truly blessed with a rich bounty of future hopes and dreams with Jessica; without a doubt her future will be bright and very exciting.

James now resides in each of our hearts and minds as a blessed memory of a pretty perfect son, brother and friend with great hair and occasionally striped leg hair. From my perspective, James was a special gift, a beautiful and truly happy child who had become my best friend. It was always my plan to stop being a parent and become a best friend of each of our children. I had accomplished that with James a long time ago, and that is a huge blessing and comfort. So I must grieve both a loving son and one of my best friends.

I hope that each of your families takes time this Holiday Season to count their love and respect for each other as blessings. Share your dreams and goals. Share your hopes and wishes. It would be a blessing if you were all each other’s best friends and there was no strife or negativity in your lives. If that’s an impossible dream, then at least be working towards it. Light a candle and share just a small moment of silence in honour of James and then share your positive thoughts of each other openly also in honour of James.

Please take the time to realize that you are all each other’s best Christmas gift. The glitter, noise and material things are just temporary icing on the cake of life but they aren’t the true value in your lives. True value is based in the relationships and love you build in your own lives. Nothing takes that value away. So in this year of hard to find blessings, we count ourselves as truly blessed to have so many special friends in our lives. Thank you all.

Happy and Safe Holidays;
Peter Ratcliffe